The last game of the season took place last Sunday against Odd Down Supporters Club and gave the team the perfect send off with a fight back win to sign off by 3 goals to 2.
Pig 4 - JC 3
Fixture congestion led the Pig to find itself playing a Tuesday evening fixture against hi-flying and arch-rivals Bath Arsenal. As is usual in these derby games the Pig stepped things up and took the lead against the young townies with goals from Dave "the engine" Mooney and Alessandro Gonzalez. At two nil we began to feel like we might pull of a surprise and delight the assembled Belvedere supporters. Sadly we reverted to type and conceded 3 goals without reply to end up "plucky losers" by 3 goals to 2. Once again the over-exuberant celebrating by the Bath Arsenal players left a bitter taste in the mouth. On current form the boys in Pink will be promoted next season and so at least I will be £10 better off every season.
The following Sunday was one of the few games that I was forced to miss this year. By all accounts the team gave a comprehensive display as we ran out 3-0 winners with a brace from Danny Bond and a third from Olly Embleton. I wish I could tell you more about the game....
Just two games remain until the end of the season and thoughts are already turning to our own exuberant celebrations as this year marks one of the first in Kempy's tenure as manager that we haven't been rooted to the foot of the table. Everything from Paintballing to a race day have been suggested but as always we will finish the evening in the Pig and Fiddle. Watch this space for details of final plans and likely dates.
In the meantime don't forget that we have a cricket game on May 16th and Kempy's birthday celebrations afterwards.
Training continues on Thursday evenings on the rec from 7pm (ish)
Despite the best efforts of a still-drunk Kempy, the Pig managed to get it's act together this weekend and put 5 goals past a committed Hinton side that fell to a late capitulation in the second half.
PF Locomotive 3 - JC Sports 0
This Sunday was earmarked by the managerial team as one that we would use to make up for recent shortcomings and give a good account of our off-field set-up. Kempy was despatched to the priory on Friday evening on an emergency detox plan and was drained of several pints of Fosters-based perspiration in an effort to focus the mind. I was sent shopping for energy powder (no not the Columbian kind) and on a mission to resurrect the old water bottles from the cellar.
Sad scenes on Sunday as long serving clubman and ever-smiling gym-monkey Ollie Davis fell victim to a nasty double leg fracture which left the PF Locomotive team and supporters in shock.
Another late night on Saturday led to ugly scenes on Sunday morning as those of us who had enjoyed the wine and beer of our European cousins were struggling to come to terms with the dawn's early light....well 10am. Perhaps still shaken from his attack at the hands of an aggrieved young girl the previous night, Albert was particularly reluctant to leave the confines of his bedroom. The one-time €100 per week footballer (now minus £6 per week) was subjected to a vicious knee to the groin and slap to the face due to a case of mistaken identity as the girl concerned had laid blame for the misdemeanours of Adam Tanner at the gifted feet of our young Catalonian. Once again giving credence to my maxim of never leaving the Pig & Fiddle with Tanman.
This week’s edition of the match report will be heavily edited by the PFLocomotive legal team following a very contentious game which resulted in the match being abandoned by the referee. Needless to say that Kempy and, never one to shrink from a legal challenge, Sean (Thermae Bath Spa anyone?) are preparing the protest letters and affidavits as I type.
The day began in the Spanish YMCA that I have recently created in town with Kempy placing 4 phonecalls to me in an effort to wake me up. Sadly an evening of pubs, clubs and Angelo’s infamous wine from his parents vineyards had rendered me comatose and feeling rougher than a badger’s arse.
Running terribly late, myself and Albert hurriedly checked out of the YMCA although not before being subjected to a glimpse of Javi’s naked arse as we nipped in to the sitting room to grab my shoes. Opinion is still divided whether this sight ,or that of Chef Mike attempting an ill-advised Flamenca following a considerable amount of alcohol last night was the most unpleasant. I am happy to report that we have captured the Flamenca on film and it will be posted shortly. Javi’s arse will not be broadcast due to a Spanish broadcasting rights issue.
Having collected Carlos from home and suffered Kempy’s erratic driving to Lansdown we arrived late and with the barest of squads.
1) Daniel
2) Sam
3) Borja
4) Carlos
5) Olly
6) Tanman
7) Albert
8) Cockernee
9) Alessandro
10) Silky
11) Danny
12) Rus
13) Ollie Davis
It was extremely nice to see Silky returning to the pitch and everyone was pleased to hear that both mother and baby are well. (even if father is looking a little aged these days!) Equally pleasing was the return of the gym monkey Ollie Davis who has been tremendously busy with his gardening work since landing the Hansell contract following some ugly rumours concerning Ed Oddy and the lady of the house.
We kicked off with just 10 men as Carlos made a meal of putting his shinpads on but finally managed to get everything sorted and complete the side.
Larkhall are a quality side from the division above us and they passed the ball with an assured composure. The Pig however put in a strong display despite being a bit of a thrown-together team, many of whom had been drinking copiously the previous evening. The play was decent to watch with both teams showing good spells of possession. Regrettably it was to be Larkhall that controlled the scoring as they converted possession into chances, into goals. We were to go into half time at 3 goals to nil.
The tale of the half had been the return of Tanman with a captain’s performance with his feet and an over-zealous performance with his mouth. He failed to endear himself to the ref from the outset and the pair of them began a soap opera on the pitch which became increasingly petty as the ref showed flashes of petulant toddler before booking Tanman for constant belly-aching, Eyebrows were raised higher as the ref announced to both players and supporters alike that he would be giving no advantage to PF Locomotive on the instructions of our captain. Sometime two people just don’t get on….
The second half (well I say half….) was far more encouraging from a PF point of view. The introduction of Ollie Davis up front gave us a renewed vigour as was able to hold the ball up effectively and distribute to good effect.
Despite falling behind by a further goal, PF were to see a pendulum swing in our favour as Alessandro finished with a classy side footed goal low into the bottom corner, As the minutes ticked by, PF were to benefit from a corner which was expertly delivered by Albert on to Olly Embleton’s leaping head.
At 4-2 the Larkhall team were showing signs of panic and PF were pushing for a much needed 3rd goal. Ollie Davies came close with a long range effort from the flank which he claims was intentional. Looking more like a cross, the looping ball bounced off the post and Larkhall were spared further worry.
As the game moved into the last 10 minutes it became apparent that Tanman and the ref were going to have the final words on the day.
Tanman miss-timed a challenge and left a Larkhall player on the ground. Despite genuine apologies to all concerned the player was issued with his 2nd yellow card of the day and so asked to leave the pitch. During the final scenes and with both captain and referee engaged in a war of words, the ref saw fit to abandon the game claiming that Tanman had refused to return to the changing rooms. Naturally there will be two sides to every tale and in an effort to remain objective I don’t feel we need to throw stones about who was right or wrong. I would just say that I have never seen a game abandoned before and am genuinely surprised that it was abandoned so quickly and with little or no dialogue. Naturally Larkhall were perfectly happy with the outcome as the momentum of the game had seriously turned against them.
Subdued scenes followed in the Pig with everybody feeling slightly cheated out of a lie-in. The sausage beans and chips were making every effort to cheer us up and were a welcome highlight on a dark day.
Training on Thursday at Kingswood as usual. See you there if not in the queue for the bathroom tomorrow morning if you are reading this in Spanish.
14th Feb 2010
Odd Down Social Club 1 – PFLocomotive 0
Odd Down SC produced a magnificent if not incredibly negative display to win a game that PF Locomotive dominated from start to finish. In honesty we never looked like scoring as Odd Down quickly had us worked out and stifled the creativity of our flair players. The day was frought with tensions as the Odd Down defensive players are no strangers to a late challenge. Pig players and supporters alike were left exasperated as the ref failed to stamp any sort of authority on the game leading to late tackles on Jonny West and Joe Scott being swung around by his ears (actually a bit of a highlight for me !) Worse was to come as I managed to inadvertently incur the wrath of the team’s veteran keeper as I was busy offering support to Kempy as an unpleasant left back was threatening him over a dubious throw-in call. Arrangements were being made for a post-game meeting for the two of us in which I suspected the 51 year old keeper would not be sympathetic to my claims of a medical knee and a touch of asthma as a child. Fortunately common sense prevailed as I reminded him that his initial quarrel had been with Kempy not me and that he should re-address that grievance first.
Needless to say the Peugeot has never been thrown into gear so soon after the full time whistle before and we were back in the Pig before we knew it.
